Weight Loss Update

Well, it's the first of the month. Time to weigh and measure myself. This part still makes me want to huddle in the corner, hugging my knees and rocking, softly telling myself "it's not about the pounds; it's not about the inches; it's about how you feel. It's not about the pounds; it's not about the inches; it's about how you feel..."

I'm sorry, but it is about the pound. It is about the inches.

You know those people who say they changed something in their lifestyle, be it drinking water or exercising, and the weight just started to "melt off"? I want to punch those people. This is the slowest, most difficult, least rewarding thing I've ever done.

I know that technically I should be doing this for my health. So that at age 50 I'm not diabetic, asthmatic or arthritic. But is it so terrible to want to look good? To want to look like I've been working my butt off four to five days a week at the gym?

This is just hard. And a part of me (the part I do my best to keep suppressed deep inside of me) wants to throw the mother of all tantrums, screaming "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

But then there are the good days. I have noticed that I don't have nearly as many fat days as I used to. You know, the days where all you want to do is sit in your dark living room, in your baggiest sweats, the only sign of life the flickering light from the television on your face? Ya, those days don't come up quite as often anymore.

I also have to say that going to the gym is feeling less and less like a fight and more like a normal part of my day. I'm almost starting to enjoy it.

So that is the roller coaster that has been my life this past month. And for the part you've all been waiting for, I'm sure. In May, my weight was 174, my chest was 40.5", my stomach (the largest part, not my actual waist) was 40", and my hips were 45".

Today, June 1st, my weight is 170, my chest is 39.5", my stomach is 39.5", and my hips are 44". Progress? Yes? Only meager, at best. But it's still enough to keep me going, so I guess that's enough.

Lazy dressers!

What has happened to society in the last decade? I remember when I was in highschool (about six years ago) this whole wearing-pajamas-like-they're-real-clothes thing was just starting. Girls would come to school fully dressed, and wear their fuzzy slippers. Or they'd come in cute pajama pants. I never thought it would spread to a full-on lifestyle choice. Now, whenever I go out, where ever I go, I see both men and women looking like they just rolled out of bed. And not that sexy bed-head/bedroom eyes thing. I mean sweats, oversize shirts, dirty tank tops, hair that hasn't seen a brush (or a shower for that matter) in days. I don't understand. If leaving the house and facing the real world doesn't warrant getting ready in the morning, then what does? Like those old women I've seen in the grocery store with the rollers in their hair. If you're not getting your hair done to be seen in the world, then what are you getting it done for? I've always been a fan of the casual look. There's nothing better in this world than a good pair of jeans. But I can't help but think we've gotten too casual, too lax, in the way we dress. It's to the point now that when I see a woman in a pair of heels at the mall, I think, what are you dressed up for? Does anyone else find this sad. Don't we have enough respect for ourselves to take the 15 minutes required to brush out your hair and put on a little mascara or, heaven forbid, shower on a regular basis. Seriously, what is up with the "I haven't showered in a week" look? It doesn't take much too make an effort. Does it?

Five pounds in a week?!?!?

It would take 26 hours running or 20 hours spinning to lose five pounds. So, why did it only take my sister coming to visit for my diet to go so far down the toilet, I don't think it can be rescued. Why does it seem to be so much easier to gain weight than to lose weight? Yahoo!'s got an article on just this subject. It lists things like a pound is a pound, and it takes exercise and diet to lose weight, blah blah blah. I think it's simply easier to eat, drink and be merry than it is to exercise. And I was doing so well. I was losing a pound or two a week. So, I'm officially jumping back on the diet train. Going back to eating at home, eating smaller portions, and working out. I'm giving myself one year to get to my goal weight of 125 lbs. That's 50 pounds. About a pound a week. That's reasonable, I think. My goals for this week are drinking way more water than usual, and walking on the treadmill at least three times. We'll see how it goes. Wish me luck; I'll keep you posted.

Why do white girls need to be skinny?

Ok, here's my rant. I was just watching Jordin Sparks new video, One Step At A Time, and I was thinking how pretty she is. I would be so happy to have a body like hers, but then it kind of hit me. If she was a white girl, she would be criticized for being fat. She's got to be, what, a size 10 when she's bloated? But it seems so much more acceptable for blacks and Latinas to have a little extra padding. The media thinks they're doing good by talking about how pretty girls like Jordin and America Ferrera are, but as soon as a white actress gets any sort of a tummy, speculations of a bun in the oven start to fly! Then you see the trashy gossip magazine at the check stands at Walmart. One has the extremely skinny famous girls on the cover talking about how it's getting out of hand, then the magazine right next to it has pictures of girls on the cover in there bathing suits and they're making fun of their rolls or cellulite. Because, heaven forbid we not all look perfect, not too skinny, not too fat. Granted, that Whitney who won the latest America's Next Top Model is absolutely striking. Just gorgeous and sexy! But how much do you want to bet she slips into oblivion and we never see anything beyond her "cover" of Seventeen magazine. What is it going to take to make it acceptable, even beautiful, for women of EVERY race and skin color to be bigger than a size four?!? Dove tried to with their Campaign for Natural Beauty, but it just wasn't enough. There's a lot of brainwashing that needs to be cleaned up. But where do we start?