Healthy Body Fat Percentage

On my initial meeting with my trainer, she measured my body fat percentage. Needless to say, it was WAY too high. And if I remember correctly, I had 116 pounds of lean body mass, i.e. muscle, bones, organs, etc. I didn't think too much of it at the time, but lately I have been trying to set a realistic and healthy "goal weight" for myself.

I was 120 in high school, but I've come to the realization that that ship has sailed. So I was thinking maybe 130 would be more realistic.

I couldn't remember what my trainer had said a healthy body fat percentage was, so I googled it and several different sources said for women age 20-40 the range is 21%-33%. I was stunned! That seems like a TON of body fat. I took out my little calculator and figured that with my 116 pounds of lean body mass I have now, adding 21% body fat, I would weigh 146 pounds. That doesn't seem like the weight of a fit, healthy 25-year-old.

Then on top of that, I calculated what my BMI would be if I were 146 and it's 25.1, which would put me in the overweight category. But at 130, I would be at 22.3, which is right in the middle of the normal range.

So now I'm totally stressed out and confused. Does this mean that 130 pounds is unhealthy even though the BMI says it's good? Or does it mean that 130 is completely out of reach for me since it would put me below the healthy body fat percentage? WTF!

Weight Loss Update

Well, it's the first of the month. Time to weigh and measure myself. This part still makes me want to huddle in the corner, hugging my knees and rocking, softly telling myself "it's not about the pounds; it's not about the inches; it's about how you feel. It's not about the pounds; it's not about the inches; it's about how you feel..."

I'm sorry, but it is about the pound. It is about the inches.

You know those people who say they changed something in their lifestyle, be it drinking water or exercising, and the weight just started to "melt off"? I want to punch those people. This is the slowest, most difficult, least rewarding thing I've ever done.

I know that technically I should be doing this for my health. So that at age 50 I'm not diabetic, asthmatic or arthritic. But is it so terrible to want to look good? To want to look like I've been working my butt off four to five days a week at the gym?

This is just hard. And a part of me (the part I do my best to keep suppressed deep inside of me) wants to throw the mother of all tantrums, screaming "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

But then there are the good days. I have noticed that I don't have nearly as many fat days as I used to. You know, the days where all you want to do is sit in your dark living room, in your baggiest sweats, the only sign of life the flickering light from the television on your face? Ya, those days don't come up quite as often anymore.

I also have to say that going to the gym is feeling less and less like a fight and more like a normal part of my day. I'm almost starting to enjoy it.

So that is the roller coaster that has been my life this past month. And for the part you've all been waiting for, I'm sure. In May, my weight was 174, my chest was 40.5", my stomach (the largest part, not my actual waist) was 40", and my hips were 45".

Today, June 1st, my weight is 170, my chest is 39.5", my stomach is 39.5", and my hips are 44". Progress? Yes? Only meager, at best. But it's still enough to keep me going, so I guess that's enough.

I did a bad thing

I had the strongest craving for a cheeseburger tonight. And I totally caved!

I'm not proud of myself. And my stomach is rather unhappy with me as well.

I always seem to hit the proverbial wall two weeks after starting a healthy habit. I successfully broke through the exercise wall, but my diet wall has been tougher. I've been doing pretty good the last couple of weeks, but lately I've been craving bad, bad food. While my mind seems to be all in on the idea of eating crap, my stomach is of an opposing opinion. Crap food didn't used to make me feel ill, and now it does. Could this be construed as a fringe benefit of a healthier lifestyle? It certainly doesn't feel good right now, but I guess if it prevents me from eating like crap in the future, I'll try to see it as a good thing.

Chocolate Cupcakes

I was in a baking sort of mood today. Seeing as I'm not an avid baker in any sense of the word, I need simple recipes. This chocolate cupcake recipe from Soup of the Day is not only super easy, but makes the most amazingly moist cupcakes EVER!

Some of you may be thinking that desserts and diets don't exactly go hand in hand. I think with normal diets, this can be true. I view it a little differently, though.

I generally don't deprive myself. If I did more often, I'm sure this weight would come off faster. But I really don't believe in diets. Diets aren't usually something you can stick with forever. I'm going for more of a change of lifestyle. I imagine there will be many cupcakes in my future and rather than avoiding them all completely, I want to develop a healthy relationship with them so I can enjoy them and still stay healthy.

Of course, giving most of them to family and friends helps stave off temptation as well.

The bathroom scale: Friend or Foe?

I have a sick addiction to weighing myself. I'm talking nearly every time I walk into my bathroom, I have to step on that scale.

I'm not sure why I do it. Maybe it's partially because I've lost a few pounds, so I check to make sure they are still gone. Or maybe it's because I'm expecting some sudden miracle and the scale will tell me I've lost 2o pounds. As you can imagine, this has yet to happen to me.

Do you think it's bad that I check my weight this often? How do I know when an addiction like this is adversely affecting my life?

"If you say it out loud, it won't come true..."

I think wishes being jinxed when said aloud applies to much more than birthdays. It seems like every time I tell someone what my goals are, I fall short. Nonetheless, here I am, throwing caution to the wind. I'm telling you my wish...

I wish to be thin again.

I cringe to even type the words. It just feels like bad luck. But that's not fair. I should be able to voice my wishes and, hopefully, get some added support to reach those dreams.

I had an epiphany of sorts last weekend. I was feeling down (everyone has those days) about things in general. I won't get into details as they are certainly carbon copies of the random things everyone gets bummed over from time to time. But something struck me this time. While I may not be in control of things like the economy, school, job market, etc., I am in total and complete control of my body. Strange as it may sound, this made something click inside me. I am in complete control of what I take into my body and how I take care of it.

I feel a renewed endurance for this diet and exercise crap I've been doing for the last two months (again, with no results). I realized I haven't been doing everything I could be to get me to my goal. Now I've been able to keep this new motto, if you will, in mind with everything I do. I feel like I can do this, because it's my body. And nothing, not money, not school, not my husband, not anything or anyone can do it for me.

So, here I go. I think I'm doing fairly well, though, as I've lost four pounds. I'm sure that's not just since Sunday; I'm not delusional. But even seeing that helps motivate me. And, to really give myself some accountability, I'm willing to bear it all. Right here and now. I'm going to post my full picture, weight and measurements every month on this blog as a sort of progress report. So, if you're reading this, wish me luck, I guess.

New Favorite Workout & Snack

New favorite workout: Walking lunges. The first time my trainer had me do the (three sets, 15 reps each leg) is LITERALLY could barely walk for a full week. My thighs have never hurt that much, but even worse (now better) I've never felt it in the spot right under my butt before. Now when I do it, it's just that good kind of sore. And my butt! If anything's going to tone that sucker, it's walking lunges.

New favorite snack: Laughing Cow Light Original Swiss. This stuff is so good. I feel like I'm eating something bad for me, but it's only 35 calories a serving. It's good on sandwiches, on apples and pears, or all by itself. Oh, Laughing Cow, I don't know what I did without you!

My attempt at getting healthy

Some of you may recall about six weeks ago my telling you I joined a gym. Well, it's been six weeks and I still haven't seen any results. Needless to say, I'm quite frustrated. I figured I'd at least feel better, if not have lost a few pounds.

Unfortunately, I believe I've been sabotaging myself. Motivation has never been my strongest asset. I wouldn't even call it a weak asset. And while I'm almost enjoying going to the gym now, my diet (or lack there of) is making it nearly pointless. What's interesting is I love good food. I love cooked veggies, fish, chicken, salads, whole wheat pastas, fruits, legumes. I love it. My problem, it seems, is that I'm too lazy to cook anything like that for myself. For lunch and dinner I'm usually too, well, lazy to do much more than hit a fast food chain. And I really hate that about myself. I need to change if I'm ever going to lose this disgusting weight and finally get healthy.

So, what's my plan, you ask? Well, I'm going to start with making a list of breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snacks I like and are good for me. Then I'm going to make a menu for the week of dinners I'll make. Finally, I'm going to force myself to drink WAY more water and eat a healthy snack between each meal. There's no secret here. I need to quit eating fast food (also a money saving idea) and start eating the way I know I should be.

Wish me luck and cross your fingers. I'll keep you posted.