I did a bad thing

I had the strongest craving for a cheeseburger tonight. And I totally caved!

I'm not proud of myself. And my stomach is rather unhappy with me as well.

I always seem to hit the proverbial wall two weeks after starting a healthy habit. I successfully broke through the exercise wall, but my diet wall has been tougher. I've been doing pretty good the last couple of weeks, but lately I've been craving bad, bad food. While my mind seems to be all in on the idea of eating crap, my stomach is of an opposing opinion. Crap food didn't used to make me feel ill, and now it does. Could this be construed as a fringe benefit of a healthier lifestyle? It certainly doesn't feel good right now, but I guess if it prevents me from eating like crap in the future, I'll try to see it as a good thing.

Chocolate Cupcakes

I was in a baking sort of mood today. Seeing as I'm not an avid baker in any sense of the word, I need simple recipes. This chocolate cupcake recipe from Soup of the Day is not only super easy, but makes the most amazingly moist cupcakes EVER!

Some of you may be thinking that desserts and diets don't exactly go hand in hand. I think with normal diets, this can be true. I view it a little differently, though.

I generally don't deprive myself. If I did more often, I'm sure this weight would come off faster. But I really don't believe in diets. Diets aren't usually something you can stick with forever. I'm going for more of a change of lifestyle. I imagine there will be many cupcakes in my future and rather than avoiding them all completely, I want to develop a healthy relationship with them so I can enjoy them and still stay healthy.

Of course, giving most of them to family and friends helps stave off temptation as well.

Inspiration, not motivation

I'm not a motivated person. It's true. Even when it involves things I think I really want. I don't like to call it laziness, cause that just sounds so bad. So I fancy it up and call it unmotivated.

Some people just ooze motivation. They can do it all. Work, go to school, raise a family, stay fit, yaddah yaddah yaddah. They are motivated to do it all. Motivation comes a little harder for me.

For me, inspiration comes before motivation. I can't simply motivate myself to do something. But if I can find a way to get inspired, that's all the motivation I need.

A friend of mine's mom lost weight a few years ago and now runs a crazy amount every day; something like five or six miles, in the mountains no less! She's just super healthy and fit. Talking to her inspired me, thus motivating me to continue with my seemingly futile efforts.

I'm sure I'll need another does of inspiration in no time. Lucky for me, it's all around. I just have to look for it.

Wasatch Woman magazine "Love Your Body" 5K/10K

Some of you may know I'm doing an internship with Wasatch Woman magazine this summer. One of their events is this "Love Your Body" 5K/10K in August.

When I started working out in March, I asked the personal trainer who did my assessment if I was crazy to think I'd be able to train myself to run the 3.1 miles by August. She said I absolutely could, like it would be no problem.

It's been a problem.

Two months later and I'm nowhere near being able to run even a quarter of a mile, let alone three. I'm wondering if this is a genetic disorder I have; my inability to run.

Back in high school (when I was thin; ah, memories...) I remember having to run the mile in gym class. The first time I "ran" it, it took me 15 minutes, which you may know is more like a brisk walk than a run. Even after a semester of working out every day, I still only shaved that down to 10 minutes. Now, if I could do that again, I'd be thrilled, but I'm in much worse shape now.

So, to any of you runners, can anyone run? I'm being serious. My lungs feel like they're going to explode and I breathe so hard I feel like I'm going to throw up. Are some people just meant to be walkers?

Also, if any of you are interested in checking out the Wasatch Woman magazine "Love Your Body" 5K/10K, you really should. It sounds great!

The bathroom scale: Friend or Foe?

I have a sick addiction to weighing myself. I'm talking nearly every time I walk into my bathroom, I have to step on that scale.

I'm not sure why I do it. Maybe it's partially because I've lost a few pounds, so I check to make sure they are still gone. Or maybe it's because I'm expecting some sudden miracle and the scale will tell me I've lost 2o pounds. As you can imagine, this has yet to happen to me.

Do you think it's bad that I check my weight this often? How do I know when an addiction like this is adversely affecting my life?

Whole wheat pita bread from scratch

As some of you may now, last week I was unable to find pita bread in any of the grocery stores in my little town. One more thing to add to my list of things I can't get in Brigham City.

Anyway, I was prompted by Two Peas and Their Pod to make my own pita bread from scratch. She claimed it was easy. So I figured I'd give it a whirl. I found this recipe that seemed relatively easy and adapted it to use my whole wheat flour I already had.

They turned out OK. Not great. I seem to have a problem with getting bread to rise. I at least think I know what I did wrong. It didn't say to cover the dough while rising, but I think I should have anyway. Nonetheless, they taste just fine. Of course, the whole reason I wanted to have whole wheat pita bread was to go with falafels I was all sorts of excited to try. But my food processor is broken, so I haven't been able to try that yet.

Moral of the story: Whole wheat pita bread was easy to make, just a little time consuming. But I don't think I'll bother buying from the store anymore.

Orange cranberry oatmeal bran cookies

Yes, you read that right. I love oatmeal cookies. I think they're my favorite because they aren't overwhelmingly sweet. And I can just about trick myself into thinking they're healthy.

I also love bran muffins. Orange-cranberry bran muffins, to be exact. I've been trying to find a good recipe, but all of my attempts have ended up very dry. So, I thought I'd combine these too. I looked up several recipes and found this oatmeal cookie recipe. But, instead of 3 cups of oatmeal, I used 2 1/2 and added 1/4 cup each oat bran and wheat bran, substituted the raisins with about a cup of dried cranberries and added the grated peel of one orange.

I made these yesterday. I don't generally consider myself a cook on any level, but these turned out phenomenally! Too good, in fact. I ate two. Clearly this doesn't bode well for my diet, but I've refrained from overindulging today. Besides, my evening-sweets craving has been calmed by a soda and a Twinkie up to now, so an oatmeal bran cookie made from scratch is, at the very least, a step up. Wouldn't you agree?

"If you say it out loud, it won't come true..."

I think wishes being jinxed when said aloud applies to much more than birthdays. It seems like every time I tell someone what my goals are, I fall short. Nonetheless, here I am, throwing caution to the wind. I'm telling you my wish...

I wish to be thin again.

I cringe to even type the words. It just feels like bad luck. But that's not fair. I should be able to voice my wishes and, hopefully, get some added support to reach those dreams.

I had an epiphany of sorts last weekend. I was feeling down (everyone has those days) about things in general. I won't get into details as they are certainly carbon copies of the random things everyone gets bummed over from time to time. But something struck me this time. While I may not be in control of things like the economy, school, job market, etc., I am in total and complete control of my body. Strange as it may sound, this made something click inside me. I am in complete control of what I take into my body and how I take care of it.

I feel a renewed endurance for this diet and exercise crap I've been doing for the last two months (again, with no results). I realized I haven't been doing everything I could be to get me to my goal. Now I've been able to keep this new motto, if you will, in mind with everything I do. I feel like I can do this, because it's my body. And nothing, not money, not school, not my husband, not anything or anyone can do it for me.

So, here I go. I think I'm doing fairly well, though, as I've lost four pounds. I'm sure that's not just since Sunday; I'm not delusional. But even seeing that helps motivate me. And, to really give myself some accountability, I'm willing to bear it all. Right here and now. I'm going to post my full picture, weight and measurements every month on this blog as a sort of progress report. So, if you're reading this, wish me luck, I guess.

"Go Veg"

Here's an article I wrote on veganism. Could I do it? I don't know. But they may be on to something here.